The "Make it an Obedience Issue" Trick!!
So you might have it down clearly in your mind and heart that your children need to be trained to obey the first time they are told and to obey cheerfully. That is really central and will go a long way in helping our children have fruitful lives for the Kingdom!
But then there are issues that seem less clear of how to correct. I've heard moms say things like, "My child obeys fine, but when it comes to them getting tired in the evenings then they are so emotional and just fall apart!" Or I have heard, "My child is so broken-hearted after being corrected or rebuked that they sob and sob and sob!". Then there are comments like, "They are willing to do the dishes when I ask them but will not initiate it on their own, and then they do it the way they like to do it and not the way I like it done!"
This article is just basically giving you permission to make any of these things and more "an obedience issue"! This may sound simplistic but you can just issue a command as a parent which specifically addresses the problem and expect there to be a response that indicates obedience to your command.
Here are some examples referring to the issues above:
I know you are really tired, but I do not want to hear anymore negative comments, or you will be disciplined accordingly!
I know you are really tired, but I want you to wipe that frown off your face and smile at me immediately! (Accepting any effort at a smile)
I am very thankful that you are so repentant and sorry that you displeased your parents. However, that is enough crying. I have forgiven you and God has forgiven you if you have asked Him, and neither He nor I want you to wallow in despair. If I do not see you making an effort to suck it up then there will be consequences again.
You know that after supper every Wednesday you are to clear the table and do the dishes and I expect you to do it next Wednesday without a reminder from me or there will be a consequence! (Then give them some ideas of how to remind themselves and leave it there)
This is my kitchen and my dishes and when you do the chores I expect you to respect the way that I want them to be done. So from now on, I want you to find out exactly how I want them to be done by asking me and then you can discuss with me ways you think it could be better. If I do not accept your ideas, then I expect them to be done the way I originally indicated.
Really, there is no reason for a parent to complain helplessly about any behavior that they do not like in their child. We, as parents, are expected to resolve these issues and the Lord has given us the ability to do so. We may need to take it to the Lord in prayer, and/or ask a trusted mentor. Sometimes we just don't know how to tackle a problem because we haven't given a command and made it an obedience issue. Once the issue is resolved, we will be so pleased and we will be able to rejoice in having obedient children while minimizing the annoyances that we regularly can feel! In most cases, the problems that we are having are character problems in our children which need to be addressed anyway. Make it an obedience issue!!
