This week we went to a Marriage Matters Retreat in NE Ohio. It is a marriage seminar put on by the Bible Methodist Connection. There were 28 couples there. It was held in a lovely hotel nestled in the rolling hills of Amish country.
The first half, we heard sessions on the colorful and deliberate differences between men and women - just as God created them; and on forgiveness. Some of the differences are soft pastels.....baby blue, soft yellow, dove gray.....and others are significantly brighter in neon green or cobalt blue!
We learned how the strong, dark strokes of sin and offense can hurt and wound us, but there is an appropriate way to repent and to bring healing. We must be humble, specific and open about how we have wronged our spouse....this lightens and brightens the darkness bringing out rich shades that are deep and meaningful to us. Because of this, the dark strokes become a strengthening bond in deep purple and embracing, fiery orange. Fierce and strong are the ties that bind. Full of passion and energized through obedience to God's design.
We had a Q&A session which tackled tough issues both in our own lives and in the lives of friends and family. From how to find time for our family in the midst of ministry, and how to have fun on a budget to what to tell a friend whose husband is caught up in pornography or infidelity with women. These wounds can simmer in black heat with bubbles of red in the midst. The four couple panel offered such wonderful wisdom. They gave a challenge to wives in such situations to take a stand for help ....demand counseling or to separate themselves from the damaging situation. A challenge to friends to stand with the offended one and to offer help. Even God can't forgive until there is repentance. We were told that anything can be forgiven.....but not everything should be tolerated.
Then Henry and Jan Miller shared how it has been to walk together for over 45 years. They've had their struggles with Henry from an Amish background and Jan from a conservative holiness. Now in their mid 60's, we were stirred to tears as they passionately shared of their love for each other. They told of a recent walk they had in the woods and he pulled her under a tree and said, "This is our kissing tree." As they kissed, they tried to take selfies of the two of them kissing. :-) They said the pictures didn't turn out too good, but the kissing did! Henry told about some nerve problems in his hands where he can't button his shirts or hook his pants.. and how Jan helps him. Someone in the crowd had the audacity to call out, "She's your 'hooker'!". Henry immediately said she's done that for him and made us all roll in laughter. Henry exhorted the men to not be insensitive if their wife has a weight problem. Don't make jokes, don't give suggestions....just love her. Both of them spoke directly from the podium to their spouse how passionately they loved each other and how fulfilled they were by the other....Henry emphasizing how Jan was the most beautiful woman in the world to him, and the most beautiful woman in the room. God was all over those moments, and it was like a gorgeous sunset that had unbelievably rich colors swirled together that can only be imagined, not described....and that kind of a love can only be built through the test of time and faithfulness to God's ways. A determination to treasure and to love exquisitely.
Finally, we had a group renewal of our marriage vows. Henry and Jan sang a love song they had written for each other. The couples all stood and faced each other holding hands as we spoke vows again. To be honest, it was about as hard on my introvert personality as my wedding day was, but it was sweet. I didn't want to take my eyes off of Don, but for a moment, my eye caught the look on the couple's face next to us and it was so beautiful, I had to glance across the room at others and see the dedication and enjoyment coming from eyes/countenances across the room! Oh, my! So much more than gray!! This wasn't young, virgin love as beautiful as that is. It was love that had been tested and tried by a few years to many years of love and had chosen to give, sacrifice and to continue to commit.
Through these sessions, I was humbled and reminded how much WORK it is to have a beautiful marriage. I was challenged and struck with how deep and meaningful it could be if we're vulnerable and pay the price. Praise God for the extravagant color spectrum He has put into marriage! Don't settle for less.
The first half, we heard sessions on the colorful and deliberate differences between men and women - just as God created them; and on forgiveness. Some of the differences are soft pastels.....baby blue, soft yellow, dove gray.....and others are significantly brighter in neon green or cobalt blue!
We learned how the strong, dark strokes of sin and offense can hurt and wound us, but there is an appropriate way to repent and to bring healing. We must be humble, specific and open about how we have wronged our spouse....this lightens and brightens the darkness bringing out rich shades that are deep and meaningful to us. Because of this, the dark strokes become a strengthening bond in deep purple and embracing, fiery orange. Fierce and strong are the ties that bind. Full of passion and energized through obedience to God's design.
We had a Q&A session which tackled tough issues both in our own lives and in the lives of friends and family. From how to find time for our family in the midst of ministry, and how to have fun on a budget to what to tell a friend whose husband is caught up in pornography or infidelity with women. These wounds can simmer in black heat with bubbles of red in the midst. The four couple panel offered such wonderful wisdom. They gave a challenge to wives in such situations to take a stand for help ....demand counseling or to separate themselves from the damaging situation. A challenge to friends to stand with the offended one and to offer help. Even God can't forgive until there is repentance. We were told that anything can be forgiven.....but not everything should be tolerated.
Then Henry and Jan Miller shared how it has been to walk together for over 45 years. They've had their struggles with Henry from an Amish background and Jan from a conservative holiness. Now in their mid 60's, we were stirred to tears as they passionately shared of their love for each other. They told of a recent walk they had in the woods and he pulled her under a tree and said, "This is our kissing tree." As they kissed, they tried to take selfies of the two of them kissing. :-) They said the pictures didn't turn out too good, but the kissing did! Henry told about some nerve problems in his hands where he can't button his shirts or hook his pants.. and how Jan helps him. Someone in the crowd had the audacity to call out, "She's your 'hooker'!". Henry immediately said she's done that for him and made us all roll in laughter. Henry exhorted the men to not be insensitive if their wife has a weight problem. Don't make jokes, don't give suggestions....just love her. Both of them spoke directly from the podium to their spouse how passionately they loved each other and how fulfilled they were by the other....Henry emphasizing how Jan was the most beautiful woman in the world to him, and the most beautiful woman in the room. God was all over those moments, and it was like a gorgeous sunset that had unbelievably rich colors swirled together that can only be imagined, not described....and that kind of a love can only be built through the test of time and faithfulness to God's ways. A determination to treasure and to love exquisitely.
Finally, we had a group renewal of our marriage vows. Henry and Jan sang a love song they had written for each other. The couples all stood and faced each other holding hands as we spoke vows again. To be honest, it was about as hard on my introvert personality as my wedding day was, but it was sweet. I didn't want to take my eyes off of Don, but for a moment, my eye caught the look on the couple's face next to us and it was so beautiful, I had to glance across the room at others and see the dedication and enjoyment coming from eyes/countenances across the room! Oh, my! So much more than gray!! This wasn't young, virgin love as beautiful as that is. It was love that had been tested and tried by a few years to many years of love and had chosen to give, sacrifice and to continue to commit.
Through these sessions, I was humbled and reminded how much WORK it is to have a beautiful marriage. I was challenged and struck with how deep and meaningful it could be if we're vulnerable and pay the price. Praise God for the extravagant color spectrum He has put into marriage! Don't settle for less.
