WHO Said That??

 WHO Said That???

By Karin Litchfield

Child: "I keep making the same stupid mistake over and over again. I'll never be able to obey God consistently."

Insightful Parent: "Now, WHO said that?"

The question, "Who said that?" could be one of the most important questions that you ask your child as they get older, and certainly one of the best questions to teach your child to ask themselves.

The bottom line is: a thought that is expressed like the one above is either a thought from the Lord or it is a thought from the enemy. Teaching our child how to discern who these thoughts are from is crucial in them obtaining victory over the enemie’s thoughts and, hence, claiming what Jesus says.

Think about the statement above. "I keep making the same stupid mistake over and over again. I'll never be able to obey God consistently."

How does that align with scriptures like: 

Ii Timothy 1:7  “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Philippians 4:13  “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Let's try a couple more statements and contradictions in Scripture.

"I am so ugly, no one will ever love me." 

    God says: "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."  Psalm 139:14

"I will never be good enough to have friends/spouse/a good job."

    God says:  "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8

The concept of "Who said that?" becomes all the more important when we think of it as who, in our heart and spirit, are we agreeing with? Are we agreeing with God? Or are we agreeing with Satan?  Teaching our children how we do not want to make an agreement with Satan, can open their eyes to this deception. We want to be in agreement with God who has the very best in mind for us. Therefore, as we are taking every thought captive, we are casting out the thoughts that are not from the Lord. This is a good lesson for us as parents too, isn't it?

So, next time your child comes to you discouraged and makes disparaging statements, don't try to just be positive, ask them, "Now, WHO said that?". 😊

Knowing our Sheep

One on One Discipleship

By Karin Litchfield

John 10:3b says about Jesus: 'and He calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out.". Knowing sheep by name when you have a multitude of them takes some time investment and interaction!

Shepherding is frequently talked about in the Bible. Jesus is a shepherd and pastors are shepherds. I'm going to use it today in context of a Christian family with the parents being shepherds of the sheep or the children.

Another verse I want to bring to our minds is Proverbs 27:23: "Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks, and look well to thy herds.". Again, a verse about shepherding, but I believe the principal is broader than that. Take care of what has been given to you and make sure you know the state of it so that you can best establish your household.

Transferring these thoughts to our children means that we know each of them intimately and they see Jesus in us and trust us so that they will follow our voice and His voice.

Parents can be so busy that it is hard to zone in to our kids' worlds at times. Our children can be struggling with something or wanting to talk through a dream of theirs, but it doesn't happen because we are too preoccupied.

These are all good reasons to have one-on-one time with each of our children on a regular basis. Some parents choose to take their child on a date on a monthly basis or even more frequently. This could be an expense free day like a trip to the grocery store with just the two of you or something with more cost like a nice meal or something in between like going out for an ice cream cone or a Coke.

I also made time for dates at home. Each child would have a certain night of the week where they could stay up longer than the other children for 30 minutes. This time was spent with me. We could talk about whatever they wanted to talk about.  I would ask questions to try to get them thinking about areas to discuss. You could also spend this time reading to them a book that they would enjoy. A discipleship book is also a good thing to go through. The other children who had already gone to bed were allowed 30 minutes of quiet time in their rooms until their sibling went to bed as well.

One on one time can also be a home project. Sons can help their fathers with home repair or improvement. Fathers and sons can build things together for their enjoyment. They can go golfing or to a father-son retreat together. Fixing an engine or going on a hike using navigational tools can offer opportunities for conversation. My husband took our two boys to a men's prayer meeting every week once they were teenagers. He also had them help him on many a project around the home.

While my husband and two sons were at mens prayer meeting together, my daughters and I would get together and do a character study and sometimes a craft.

You may have heard it said that when a teenager wants to talk, be prepared for staying up late at night! When they are open to talking, try to make every effort to let them talk themselves out.

We responded with grace to their struggles and weaknesses during these conversations. Yes we encourage them to have biblical responses to these struggles but we were non-judgmental. During these times, you can hear about temptations they are having with the opposite sex, struggles with friends, issues with siblings, fears they may be experiencing, ways they are inwardly struggling with certain rules or certain authorities, joys or hardships during their devotional time, insecurities about their self-worth, goals they have, spiritual vision that they are gaining. The list goes on! Our children are beautiful and complex creatures made in the image of God and we need to know them in order to help them learn how to navigate as many areas of life as possible!

As we spend time with our children, we will fall more deeply in love with them. We will know better how to pray for them. As we listen to them, care about them and thoughtfully answer them, they will grow to trust and respect us more.  Spending time with our "sheep" in a timely and regular fashion, can only bring good results.

Resources

www.doorposts.com

www.reviveourhearts.com

www.myjoyfilledlife.com/character 

The "Make it an Obedience Issue" Trick!!

 The "Make it an Obedience Issue" Trick!!

So you might have it down clearly in your mind and heart that your children need to be trained to obey the first time they are told and to obey cheerfully.  That is really central and will go a long way in helping our children have fruitful lives for the Kingdom!

But then there are issues that seem less clear of how to correct. I've heard moms say things like, "My child obeys fine, but when it comes to them getting tired in the evenings then they are so emotional and just fall apart!" Or I have heard, "My child is so broken-hearted after being corrected or rebuked that they sob and sob and sob!". Then there are comments like, "They are willing to do the dishes when I ask them but will not initiate it on their own, and then they do it the way they like to do it and not the way I like it done!"

This article is just basically giving you permission to make any of these things and more "an obedience issue"!  This may sound simplistic but you can just issue a command as a parent which specifically addresses the problem and expect there to be a response that indicates obedience to your command.

Here are some examples referring to the issues above:

• I know you are really tired, but I do not want to hear anymore negative comments, or you will be disciplined accordingly!

• I know you are really tired, but I want you to wipe that frown off your face and smile at me immediately!  (Accepting any effort at a smile)

• I am very thankful that you are so repentant and sorry that you displeased your parents. However, that is enough crying. I have forgiven you and God has forgiven you if you have asked Him, and neither He nor I want you to wallow in despair.  If I do not see you making an effort to suck it up then there will be consequences again.

• You know that after supper every Wednesday you are to clear the table and do the dishes and I expect you to do it next Wednesday without a reminder from me or there will be a consequence! (Then give them some ideas of how to remind themselves and leave it there)

• This is my kitchen and my dishes and when you do the chores I expect you to respect the way that I want them to be done. So from now on, I want you to find out exactly how I want them to be done by asking me and then you can discuss with me ways you think it could be better.  If I do not accept your ideas, then I expect them to be done the way I originally indicated.

Really, there is no reason for a parent to complain helplessly about any behavior that they do not like in their child. We, as parents, are expected to resolve these issues and the Lord has given us the ability to do so.  We may need to take it to the Lord in prayer, and/or ask a trusted mentor. Sometimes we just don't know how to tackle a problem because we haven't given a command and made it an obedience issue. Once the issue is resolved, we will be so pleased and we will be able to rejoice in having obedient children while minimizing the annoyances that we regularly can feel!  In most cases, the problems that we are having are character problems in our children which need to be addressed anyway.  Make it an obedience issue!!

As For Me and My House

Most of us are familiar with people who have said that they raised their children in church and the way they should go, but the children decided at some point that that is not what they wanted to do. The parent then explains to us that it's the child's choice and we cannot force it. This explanation leaves us a little frightened and concerned that our children might do the same thing and it is not a satisfactory option for most of us. Yet, who wants to be accused of forcing and coercing their children to follow God?

The title of this article is taken from scripture and has the words of Joshua.  Apparently Joshua decided his whole household would serve the Lord. We don't have any record that he asked them what they wanted to do.  We also have two examples in Acts 16 of people who believed along with their household.  The jailer who was responsible for Paul and Silas believed with great joy as well as his household. I believe his joy in coming to know Christ was a factor in pulling his family in. Then there is Lydia who was baptized with her household. Could it be her example of service and her love for Jesus and His followers compelled her family to believe as well?  I don't think any of us could disagree with the idea that neither this jailer nor Lydia went home with a controlling, insensitive attitude and simply insisted that this is what the whole family was going to do! It only seems reasonable knowing the scriptures and knowing God that the they would have come home excited and so grateful for the Lord's intervention and so in awe of God's power that their families were pulled in along with them!  Song of Solomon says in chapter 1 verse 4, "Draw me away! We will run after you."

Isn't that what we all want?  Our hearts desire is that our children will so see God in us in and in other belivers around them that they will be drawn in.  Our love for the Lord and our love for scripture are so important.  We also need a consistency and obedience to that word of God with a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. These are the elements that lay the groundwork for a household that yearns after God.

Once we have this groundwork in place, we can recognize the role we have as parents in establishing spiritual habits that are life changing for our children. Children are made impressionable so that we can impress God on their hearts. In Genesis 18:19, the Lord says that he chose Abraham "that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way the Lord by doing righteousness and justice".

So first of all, we make sure our hearts are right with the Lord and our attitudes are clear with people, then we are prepared to instill these spiritual habits in our children. If we skip the first step, then we will drive them away rather than gather them in with us.

That said, there is danger in letting our children choose which way they want to go without putting effort into making sure that the gospel is as appealing as it should be to our family. Why is it dangerous to let the children just choose without the training in the way they should go? It's because the flesh will more often than not choose the way of selfish indulgence. Therefore, we must endeavor to instill habits that are engulfing spiritual disciplines. Let's get started with some ideas.

Self denial: this discipline is essential to all the others I believe. We instill self denial by training them in first time cheerful obedience. We build upon that with instruction in doing God's will in other areas of personal discipline and service to others.  Matthew 16:24

Devotions: after hearing most of my friends in Christian circles saying that they had a hard time disciplining themselves to have daily devotions, I decided our children would learn that habit early. Starting as toddlers, we would set our child down in the morning with a Bible story picture book and instruct them to look through it. This exercise may only take a minute or two but it became a routine. This routine grew into longer sessions as they learned to read and we gave them appropriate lengths of scripture to read and helped them create a prayer and praise list. Mark 1:35, Psalm 119:48

Regular Church attendance when the doors of the church were open: extracurricular activities did not take us away from church. We expressed our desire to be with God's people and we expressed our appreciation for what we learned and how we were blessed. Hebrews 10:25

Loving the saints and prayer warriors: we would talk about the saints and prayer warriors in our church in a positive way. They were our heroes. They were who we wanted to emulate. It came to be at birthdays that our children would invite these adults to their parties before even their peers! 

Loving the carnal: we did not deny the fact that there were carnal Christians amongst us. When our children would struggle with this, we would have acknowledgment that what the carnal Christian was doing was wrong, We also would have discussion about how we all are in the process of growing and we need to give each other grace. We would discuss some of the positive things in these person's lives. We also would talk about prayer for these individuals. There would be instruction on how to respond when carnal things were said or done. They also would see us reach out to these carnal ones and not avoid them. 1 Peter 2:17

Participation in church: We explained to our children what a blessing it is to the older ones and what a challenge it is to their peers when children and young people obey God in church. Explain that we are a Christian family and you want to help lift the arms of the pastor and not make him drag us along. At this point, you can tell them that you would like them to say a quick praise the Lord during testimony time the next Sunday. Also that you would like for them to start saying a short prayer in prayer meeting. This is especially important for those who are more shy and introverted. Once they do it, there is much affirmation and encouragement that they are participating in the body of Christ and being obedient to the Lord. Ephesians 4:16, 1 Timothy 4:12

Being Kingdom focused: we allowed our children to see us make decisions that were Kingdom focused. We exposed them to our thought processes about why we did or did not do any particular extracurricular activity. If we were deciding about where to go on vacation, did we have godly direction or godly purpose? And on our way there, we would memorize hymns together and listen to godly stories together.  If they learned a musical instrument, it was for the purpose of using for God's glory in worship. If we were helping them develop another gift academically or a life skill, it would be worded in the context of this is how you can use this for God someday.  They saw us seeking the Lord and his guidance about where we were to live, how we were to school them as well as other areas like what we watched, what we wore,spent money on or how we spent our spare time. Matthew 6:33

Despise a critical spirit: I believe disregarding this instruction has killed many young people spiritually. When they hear us criticizing the pastor, other people in church or other groups who believe differently than we do, we are creating a negative environment and not one of love.  Don't get me wrong. We definitely told our children why we did the things we did and why we didn't do them as some others do them. We based it on scripture and scriptural thinking the best we knew, but we always encouraged them not to be critical of others who felt differently. We also encouraged them to stand firm in scriptural thinking no matter how others responded. James 4:11

Seek the Holy Spirit's guidance: our children saw us praying about decisions and endeavoring to make it a high priority to do what God wanted rather than what we wanted or rather than what others expected of us. We also asked them if they were making decisions to spend some time and pray about it. If they felt the Lord leading for something, we would respect it if it fell within scriptural boundaries. Romans 8:14

Share Christ: we can exemplify having a witness when we are out and about or when we are in discussions with neighbors or friends. We can also take our children out to pass out tracts and do door to door witnessing.  We can start a Bible club with the needy in the area.  We can all work together to raise money for a short-term mission trip. This is an extension of being Kingdom focused. Mark 16:15

All of these things take a lot of time and energy don't they?  But I believe that, even though this is not an exhaustive list, it is enough that our children will start understanding that it takes all of our mind, our heart, and our strength to follow God…and as they see our joy in doing it, they will know it is well worth the effort!

Be careful about saying things like, "this is my house and this is what we're going to do and when you're 18 you can do something different" or "this is the way our church believes so that's why we're going to do it and you can go to a different church when you're older if you want to".  When we say such things, we are making our beliefs sound optional and disposable if disciplines are undesirable to us.  We want to focus on expanding on the good in what we choose to do and on the scriptural basis for it. We also want to have an expectation that they will reap the most out of life if they maintain what they've been taught and even build on it as they get older.

 Each family will be led by the Lord fitting to the needs of the family.  Each child will process things differently and come to the Lord at a different time in their life. We all need to be in tune with the Spirit and sensitive to our relationship with our children and our spouse. I am not trying to set fast and bound rules for families. I am just sharing how the Lord led us and what bore fruit in our case.  I believe we can do much to bring our whole household along to serve the Lord. There is no reason to be overbearing, controlling and carnal in raising our children. This is destructive.   However, we will never regret spending our lives living for the Lord with joy and training our children to do likewise.

Thou Preparest a Table Before Me

An article to encourage you to sit at that table on a daily basis!

The morning sun peeked in my window causing me to awaken.  I stretched my arms as I looked around my room.  Ahhhh…..gratefulness warms my heart as I see my table prepared for me once again.  The faithfulness and generosity of my Lord is beyond measure and understanding.   I slip out of bed and slide into my chair…made exactly to my dimensions and softly padded with perfection.   My Lord slips my robe over my shoulders.  With it’s weight,   I immediately feel the security, the love and the value this royal robe transfers to my inner most being.  I sigh with a relief;  a contentment, and I feel my soul rise to meet the morning with dignity.

The tablecloth radiates a pure white.  Elaborate stitching on the cloth carves out flowers, vines and fruit.  The thread is also pure white dusted with a glitter of gold.   A centerpiece in the midst of the table holds a tall, clear sapphire vase with an assortment of my favorite scented flowers…..hyacinths, lilacs, roses.   The fragrance is heavenly and as I inhale deeply, I feel an anointing and a holy energy flow through my veins.   His presence and His love surround me without and fill me within.

What a table my Lord has spread!   I see Him step near and his beautiful hands reach out to lift the silver carafe.   It is full of the wine of joy and gladness!  I admire the smoothness of the skin of His hands and the gentle manner in which they move as He fills my golden goblet full of the rich drink.   I hardly can hold back my eagerness as I reach forward to drink deeply from the heavy goblet.   As the smooth  liquid glides down my throat, my heart begins to sing praises to my King!  His joy is without measure!

My plate is also of fine gold.   Around the edges are carvings of majestic trees bearing fruit.  Each leaf appears to be intricately formed.   My utensils shine and await the touch of my hands.   My napkin feels like silk as I place it on my lap.    Not only is the wine abundant, but the feast of food begins to come.   As much as I want….as much as I have time for.   Savory stews, tender meats, vegetables with sauces, desserts with delicate and bold flavors.   Each dish meets a need within me.   His strength infuses every fiber of my being.   With His provision, there is no fear of lack.  With his strength, there is no danger of failure.  

His equipping is complete.  My enemies have no power over me.  They have watched with fury and trembling the love, care and empowerment I have received.  Nothing can compete with His provision.   Not only has it been adequate, it has been abundant beyond measure.  

I rest.  I bask.  I do not deserve this table.  Yet, I need it so deeply.  It satisfies the longings of my heart.  It edifies me.   It prepares me for the battle that I face yet ahead.   I scoot back my chair, grab my sword, and step forward with confidence. 

Love Like an Ocean

Many couples say when their first child is born, "How could I possibly love any future children of ours as much as this one??"  Some are even so concerned that they hesitate to have more children because of this fear.   Of course, once we have that 2nd, 3rd, 4th and more children, that fear is eliminated completely!   God has given us the ability to love deeply....and there's no limit to how many people that can touch.

I remember someone asking my mother years ago if she found it hard to love her two adopted children as much as her biological.   My young ears tuned in to hear what she had to say!   She responded without hesitation that there was no difference!    I can now fully understand what my mother was saying.   Ariana has lived with us going on 8 years now, and my love for her is deep as it would be for a biological child.   Yes, I regretted not having more biological children, but having an adopted child is at least as rewarding!   I definitely can't say I would rather have had more biological children than to have been able to adopt two children as we have been!   Or the other way around!   Having more children biologically or adopting.....which is better??   Neither is better.  They're both great!   Pursue both or either one!   You can't lose when loving children and taking them into your home!!  It's God's design.

As an update, we will travel to India on March 12 to visit our four grandchildren there.  Then on the 23rd of March, we will go to China and pick up Xiao Man a couple days later.   We will finish up our paperwork for a week and come home with our new daughter on April 5!   I called her 'Lydia' in the last post, but that was the American name the orphanage gave her.   We have chosen Avigail Hope to be her Litchfield name.   We are very excited!

God has provided in an amazing way this past year!!   The finance has come in in a wonderfully!   We don't even make in one year what this adoption costs and we are having to give very little out of our pocket! Yet,  I've felt like I've had a part time job this past year just filling out all the forms for the adoption and the grants!   We know that the way God has helped with paperwork and the costs that He intends to help us in the years to come as we endeavor to love Avigail like an ocean!!   I have seen in a huge new way that God cares for the orphans and He will go out of His way to advocate for them to have families and homes.  We stepped onto the path of reaching out to orphans through adoption, and we very  quickly had God's winds in our sails as we ventured onto the waters.

We have been skyping every other week with Avi for a number of months now.   I can't tell you how delightful she has been to us!  We sing to her, Don reads her a story, she sings to us and we show her our home.   We're thankful for this time to bond!  This little girl has some major changes coming her way! 

I've started following some groups on FB that are about adopting children with Down syndrome.  Whoa!!!   I've been blown away by the excitement that has come by reading about the joy these children have brought into families!   People should be standing in line to get these children!!   We sit in our homes content with redecorating our living room or watching a ball game!!   What a contrast to choosing to invest in the lives of children who have no home and no loving parents to guide them through life and to teach them about Jesus! 

If I have good internet reception on our trip, I will keep everyone posted with pictures and updates!  Pray for our travels.   I'm not looking forward to the flights, but I know God will help us.

God's got love like an ocean!

Seasons of Life

When most couples are expecting a new baby, they get busy painting a bedroom, buying a crib, preparing a layette and making sure they have a good car seat!   The good news is that we are adding to our family, and here are part of our preparations -

Yep.  We're putting a good safety net on our trampoline, and you can see the chain link fence in the background that Don has also installed.  No cribs or diapers for us!  Going straight to bigger and better things! :-) We've done lots of paperwork, paperwork and then done some of it over several times!  We're excited to announce that this winter, Xiao Man (Lydia) from China will be joining our family!

Isn't she beautiful?  We already feel like we have a daughter across the world (and it isn't Morgan this time!).  In case you're wondering, Ariana is very excited to be a big sister to Lydia, and we know with her strong nurturing ability, she will do a great job.

Our home study is almost done and then our huge stack of paperwork will go to U.S. Immigration and then to the Chinese government before we get final approval!   Lydia was abandoned by her family 4 years ago near the orphanage for reasons we don't know.   The orphanage guesses her age to be around 11 years old.  

Why are we doing this in this season of life?  Because we CAN and because God has put the desire in our hearts.   When it looked like adopting Lydia could be a possibility for us, we were overwhelmed with what a  tremendous privilege it would be to spend the next couple decades parenting this girl. 

Keep praying for us as we proceed through the steps of this adoption.  Yes, it's expensive, but yet it's SO very reasonable when you consider that this is not just a car we're buying or a new boat or a vacation.....this is a delightful and beautiful child with an eternal soul!   How can you ever put a price on that?  God has assured us He will provide, and He has already begun.  Praise the Lord!  What a blessing to be granted the privilege to be on this journey!